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Hail DPP gov’t, full of fluff… Tuesday Thoughts


In fact, there is so much need for a therapist in the DPP camp that if we were to place an advert in The Nation or The Daily Times – beside some ‘manhood enlarger’ or ‘breast firming’ drug ad – we would in large, bold letters write: ‘URGENTLY WANTED: THERAPIST TO SAVE DPP FROM AN EARLY GRAVE.’

It seems, by and large, the Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) has finally started getting everything wrong. Which, of course, is not surprising. Except for some wise talk here and there on his commitment towards making our civil service tick– thanks to afana Saulos Klaus Chilima who is chairman there – the good’ol professor should seriously consider swallowing some bitter healing tablets to keep himself and his buddies to sustain their shadowy political futures.

Within a space of not more than eight days, the DPP has staged some spasmodic Level 1 drama which has left most of us very afraid at, to use one Billy Mayaya’s very unfair description, how the “headless chicken” that has become our leadership will takes us through to the next polls in 2019 – if there will be any, that is. It is unfortunate, dangerous rather, that instead of disciplining his parliamentarians who have resorted to beating staff at our New Parliament Building while parliament is in session, ankolo Kudontoni – who appeared from nowhere to steer the ruling DPP – was in town telling our good statutory corporations chief executive officers (CEOs) to play the bootlicker side if they wanted to continue eating from the party’s garden of prestige and opportunities.

Well, some of us thought that maybe ankolo Kudontoni had squeezed some sachets of our kill-me-quick liquor we banned the other day, which was being manufactured in huge amounts and is still available in large quantities at the warehouses in Luwinga.

We thought DPP’s nonsense would end there, but hell no. There was more drama coming along the way.

DPP’s president, and CEO of Malawi Inc. surprised, no, shocked all of us, when – instead of pensively attending to some matters of national importance such as plight of albinos, shoddy economy and looming strikes everywhere, currently eating Malawi up like cancer – like a brainless herder led a horde of his boys and girls to scribble some ‘Prof. Peter Mutharika Was Here’ graffiti at some police cell in Lumbadzi. Of course, as usual Kondwani Nankhumwa was in town justifying Mutharika’s jamboree as some symbolic affair to show that no arrests will be made to settle political scores… blah… blah… blah …

But were their arrests in any way doctored political overtures? Didn’t they, after all, try to circumvent constitutional order after Pres Bingu died suddenly – we really are not sure what date – in April, 2012? Wasn’t the whole affair, even in layman’s language, treasonous after all?

Well, we were not surprised with Nankhumwa’s shallow defense though, which also included some cheap talk about everyone using their personal money on the day in question… blah…blah…blah …But to be gospel truthful, the whole commemoration of the so-called ‘Liberation Day’ was a shame, and it should not happen again.

If the DPP government wants to erase its nasty legacy – of bludgeoning economic times, deplorable security lapses and a nauseating sort of political instability which we witnessed, not only once but countless times, prior and after the death of Bingu – then it must sweep its yard from inside before it clocks some good twelve months in office not so long from now.

The team at DPP must put its house in order. Ankolo Kudontoni must clean his foul mouth, because, to sound a bit prophetic here, it might cost the party a whole lifetime. It cannot be brushed aside that, much as everyone wants to sound as if these too are not related, a ruling party’s way of looking and doing things has serious repercussions on every government’s performance.

The DPP, for that is where most, if not all, of the president’s chief and junior advisors come from, must also make sure they advise their boss aptly on making plausible diaries regarding his functions. Surely, some trip to some cell for some nonsensical purpose is not the best thing our president should be having in his diary on a Wednesday. It is sheer unthoughtful, and laughable. Such things must stop.

For now, until these things are scraped off, it is Hail DPP, full of fluff…

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