It has become a pattern now for me to take time at least once a month to greet some of my old friends. I thank God that I don’t usually delete phone numbers of friends.
Few days ago, I decided to reach one of my very good friends I met in Mwanza when I worked as office assistant for the depot of SFFRFM. We had a very good chat and he explained a lot of things that he is been up to and am always jubilant for his punctilious spirit.
What caught my responsiveness was his failed plan to travel outside the country for greener pastures due to a vow he made to honor his Mother’s final resting place by building her a tomb.
He told me that he has opportunities through his relatives already living abroad, but he can only leave Malawi after fulfilling his commitment and that he is trying all he can to raise enough money for the cause.
At the same time, he confessed that his distant relatives have once or twice offered to help him, but he turned them down because he wants to single handedly spearhead the project as the only and oldest son of the family.
I was so touched when he explained that his Mother never glimpsed the fruits of his labor from him when she was still alive and this is because he was jobless and had nothing to bring ends meet. Traditionally, doing something for her tomb would definitely reward her spirit.
To be straightforward, I was touched by his love for his Mother and as I became emotional through the conversation that I dint comment anything till lately when I reflected the other side of the coin and told him what I felt about his plan and also asked him if I can share the general picture of the issue here on my page. Appreciatively, he accepted and encouraged me to do so.
I know my interpretation will incontrovertibly antagonize some of you who have confidence in some of our traditions. Point straight, I don’t hate our traditions, but sometimes, I chose to do what is right for me when am faced with some settings away from my understanding.
So many people today have failed to take up opportunities because they are living in the “present past” and have simply paid a blind eye to what’s good for the future.
I believe better plans a man can make are those that will benefit future lives (your old age and lives of your children and even grandchildren) and not necessarily the dead.
This add-on and spiritual connection to the dead has made most people die wretched just like the people before them. Here is a hard part of my argument and it’s necessary for you to understand the soft part.
1. If your parents die today, and what they leave nothing in the bank or in assets to help build their burial chambers, then they have died poor and it’s not your fault.
2. If you will die leaving nothing to afford yourself a very nice coffin and a better burial chamber, then you will die poor and LET NOT your spirit torment the living for your failed life. You are responsible for you, and your children and not the other way round.
The two sentences above simply mean that your progress should not be delayed with plans that benefit the dead. If what your parents left is not enough to build their burial chambers, then they never made it and every moment you spend to make up for their failure is actually creating your own failure.
Am not saying if you have money then you should not honor the dead, NO. All am saying is that if you don’t have money, then the dead should not stop you from making money.
In this case, we have a bright friend with opportunities abroad, failing to take the chances because he believes going out without building his Mother’s tomb is an insult to her spirit. While in actual sense, it’s the spirit insulting this young man. What if he goes out, make a fortune and come back to honor the vow?
In all cases, imagine if he dies (God forbid) without raising enough money for his Mother’s tomb, will there be enough for his own? Your guess is as good as mine.
In the end, I have always heartened friends to be so much concerned with the future than the past. Plan for your children. Make a fortune for them that they won’t bother making a fortune for your dead spirit.
Every year, the Mulli family meet to celebrate the life of their great father who achieved more than enough for them and they celebrate his spirit because what he achieved during his lifetime on earth is enough to build anything on his last resting place and on those grandchildren to come.
Honor the dead, but don’t forget the living. In the end, my argument is inspired by Jesus in Luke 9:60 when He said “Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.” I know He meant the spiritually dead, but you get the general idea to go out and be successful without looking back.
If you have got such spiritual connections, then it’s high time you think otherwise, because otherwise, you will never make it and you will die just like they (whoever you have a connection with) died.
Am not sure if that’s what they would have preferred for you (If they indeed loved you). Make them happy by being successful first. Worry about commitments later. Your unborn children need you. Let them be your primary focus.
NB: I have never written anything on a topic like this and if I have insulted your belief and traditions, I ask for mercy, but still encourage you to abandon such practices. They simply delay or stop you from achieving your dreams. A deal with the dead is a dead deal.